He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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