This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize