my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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