So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
