Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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