First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
