these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
