I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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