why didn't you poke me back
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
