why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize