i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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