So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
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I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
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I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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