Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
