There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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