I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
