Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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