I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
