I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
