the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
