Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize