You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
