I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
