You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
