she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
