I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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