it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
