Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
