yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I deserve this hangover.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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