mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize