so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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