woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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