Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
