Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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