The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
