Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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