well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
