She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
