omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
