Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
