we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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