dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
