just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
