Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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