I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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