You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
