he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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