What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
bring money and cleavage
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
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I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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