Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we're making bets on your personal life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So much rum. So many feels.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
