fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
