Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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