I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
