So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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