More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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