you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
