I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
