why do cheetos always look like penises
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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