I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it was like eating out sand paper
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
