I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
