i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Text me some of your sweat
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
