You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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