Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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