and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
