idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
