Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
