how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize