i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
