turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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