I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There's even glitter on my cock...
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