You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
