babies were throwing up all over the place
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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