I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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